TBT - 9.5 Years Ago

I've been reflecting recently on how different things are for me now than they were when Cat was a baby.  I remember that back then I knew women with multiple kids and was frustrated that their schedules were so hectic and they could never get together.  Can life really change that much when you have 3 or 4 or 5 kids?

Our first "formal" family picture.
Fall 2005

Well, now I'm the one with 4 kids and a very hectic schedule.  And I have a neighbor with one son Luke's age who calls us wanting to get together on the spur of the moment and I can pretty much never make it work.  And even when I could make it work, I usually don't want to because it's the one day in the week that I'm just going to be home, or that I had hoped to enjoy some time with Eliza and Luke, or whatever.

I'm the woman in the ward who usually doesn't make it to Evening Relief Society meetings because it just doesn't work for my family (combination of Ben working, no nursery provided at the meetings, and interrupting the bedtime routine).  But I'm okay with that.  I'm okay with staying busy with these guys.  I'm okay with going nonstop and having a million things on my mind every minute of the day and dealing with messes and demands and whining.  That doesn't mean I always handle it all gracefully, because I don't.  But I know that this is exactly what I wanted.  I had some professional aspirations, yes, but when it came down to it, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I feel so blessed to be doing just that.

As I look back at those early days of motherhood, I know that people told me to enjoy it because it goes so fast, and I thought I was doing just that.  But I think you can't enjoy something in the moment unless you've really experienced the opposite - you know, opposition in all things.  If life is like a vacation all the time, then you don't appreciate an actual vacation.  And if life moves at a manageable pace all the time, you don't recognize how nice that is.  If I had experienced the demands and stresses I have right now and could somehow re-live the years I spent with just Cat, then I'm sure I would enjoy it more.  But we just have to do the best we can in the moment, try to appreciate the good things, and learn what we can.